This isn’t how I imagined November going. I had high hopes of writing- using Nanowrimo as a kickstart. I haven’t logged a single word yet, because a very little thing has turned our world upside down (all in good ways, more on that later). I am late with my October blog post and with just a few minutes to post something, I’m sharing here what I penned in a fury late in August (with permission from the subject).
No one tells you when you are in the hospital, holding a newborn and fumbling through latching, nursing, burping, sleeping, healing that while you wait for him to take his DRIVING TEST you will still be able to recall those early days like they just happened, like your breasts are still drippy and your brain is still sleep-deprived foggy.
That little baby with the big brown eyes, chubby cheeks and infectious laugh- the one who engaged strangers everywhere we went- is suddenly tall enough to sit behind a wheel- man-sized knees brushing the dashboard and hairy ankles poking out of man-sized shoes.
No tells you how your heart will be ripped to SHREDS over his heartaches, failures, and trouble, or how it will feel to watch a part of you leave you, do things and try things and say things you would never do, try or say. Some of those things will be troublesome and awful and some will be so beautiful you will nearly crack into pieces or weep as you stand outside the BMV typing a note to yourself to make sure you don’t forget this overwhelming emotion, like nothing you’ve ever felt- hardly containable and wondrous.
Shaky fingers, a light in my tummy, and I’m not even behind the wheel….
On a somewhat regular basis, pictures of that boy as a preschool soccer player or a first-grade Cub Scout will pop up on my Google Home screen and I marvel at how much our boys have grown in the 11+ years we’ve known each other. I’m not ready for the driving instruction or license test yet, but we have a few more months to get that under way.
Time flies! When people said that when the younger ones were little I got tired of hearing it, but I think what they really meant was they could still remember those demanding days of wee ones like they were still doing it. Now I totally get it and totally agree. These past few years especially have been a blur.
You expressed beautifully how many of us feel the day our babies get those temps to hit the highway. The worry never stops. Then suddenly we’re aging and along come our grands and we have a whole new set of worries. God bless you n yours and keep writing. When my children were small I wrote essays and short stories. It’s easier. The end is always in sight. B
Thanks for reading my post and thanks for the wise words!
Same, my friend. 2020 has nothing on 2021, Am I a late bloomer or just someone who put those feelings off because 2020 was like, “I must deal with it” and 2021 is, “still?”
I hear you Tinny! Thanks for reading my post!